All in a day's work
by Missyhissy3
Summary: A less than serious short piece about the perils of diplomacy in the Delta Quadrant. Set some time Season Three, after Sacred Ground.


AN: This grew out of a line in my first Voyager story. An away mission that wouldn't have made it into the TV series. Warning: quite silly.

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Delta Quadrant Diplomacy Disaster Dialogues

Set season 3, After Sacred Ground.

- All in a day's work -

"Come in."

"Captain."

"Yes, come in Chakotay, please, have a seat." She motioned towards the raised seating area. "Coffee? Tea?"

"No, thank you," he replied, and she followed him up and sat down. She shifted uncomfortably, eyeing him cautiously. He appeared quite relaxed.

"I asked you here, because I wanted to 'clear the air', so to speak, after this afternoon."

"Really, Captain, there's no need, it was unavoidable." A small smile appeared on his face as he spoke. "We needed that deuterium."

"Yes, we did, but nevertheless, I'm still very grateful to you and to Lieutenant Ayala for being so…accommodating. I'm not sure how we'd have managed otherwise. I'm sure the whole crew would express their gratitude too, if they knew what you'd had to do."

"Well, as I'm sure you can imagine, when it comes to the rest of the crew, we're both relieved it was possible to keep this one quiet. Your thanks are enough. And it was nothing like as strenuous as the ritual you put yourself through last month when we were with the Nechani."

"All the same, if I'd known exactly what was going to be required of you both... I mean, for one thing, if I'd had any idea just how _short _those kilt-like things were going to be, I would at least have chosen two members of the crew who aren't so tall, I assure you!"

"Understood. I think Mike and I were just grateful that their anatomy is similar enough to ours when it came to the area that was considered 'too personal for display'."

"Indeed. I imagine you were." The Captain's face coloured. "The traditional garment certainly was... minimal. May I say, I thought you and Mr Ayala coped admirably, all things considered. You were both very dignified."

"Thank you, Captain. I don't think that's quite the word I'd use to describe how I felt though. If I'd known I'd have to wear something like that, I'd have certainly put in a few more hours in the gym beforehand."

"Really? I..., anyway… So, all in all, you weren't too traumatised by the whole thing?" The relief on her face replaced the other, less easily definable emotions that had flickered across her features momentarily.

"No harm done," his face cracked into a grin and both dimples surfaced as he went on, "but I will admit it was one of the more memorable diplomatic ceremonies I've ever taken part in."

"Yes, I'd have to agree." The colour rose a little further in the Captain's cheeks, if that were possible. "It did seem terribly unfair that B'Elanna and I were allowed to wear our uniforms and were accorded such deference. But all that bowing and scraping was starting to get on my nerves by the third part."

"Well, I took a little time to study their culture in more detail, once the ceremony was over - you know I've always had an interest in social anthropology - and I picked up on a few things that only had a cursory mention in the data we were given beforehand. It's more than simply a matriarchy. Females are regarded as above the need to involve themselves in any sort of adornment or display; how they look is thought to be completely unimportant. Males, however, are considered worthy only to serve, and must complete all sorts of ritualistic ceremonies in order serve, honour and entertain their female superiors. I also read a little about the rituals males have to take part in to attract a mate, and well, … let's just say, I'm glad all we had to do was honour you."

"I see. Well, even so, I did find the subservient aspect of the male behaviour rather disconcerting."

"Really, Kathryn? There was a moment there when I thought you were starting to have a little fun with it, unless of course I was completely off the mark..."

"I don't know what you mean," she replied, although a small smirk lifted one corner of her mouth.

"I was thinking of the body painting ceremony."

"Ah yes, that." She did then have the good grace to look a little sheepish. "I am sorry, Chakotay, I was trying to keep my reactions in check, but it was such an…. unusual situation. I hope you managed to get the paint off easily."

"It was quite straightforward, don't worry. Although I did consider leaving it. I could get used to my tattoo multi-coloured like that; I didn't know you had such an artistic streak."

"Oh, don't tease, Commander. At least I had some guide lines, and something to _colour in_ with you. Goodness knows what Lieutenant Ayala thought of that… 'creation' I was forced to improvise on his forehead!"

"Mike is the soul of discretion; sure he'll keep whatever he thought to himself. But between you and me, I thought it was very inspired. Looked rather like an orchid."

Suddenly, the Captain pressed a hand to Chakotay's arm, as she seemed to be distracted by another recollection. "And then there was the ritual chant! I had no idea either of you could sing like that."

"Well, in the Maquis, we had our fair share of sing-alongs around the camp fire. I always found it was good for morale. So I guess we've both had plenty of practice."

"I see, well that was lucky. So, no hard feelings?"

"None at all, Captain. All in a day's work. There is one thing I was wondering though..."

"Oh?"

"Well, I know you had to choose me, as they required the 'most senior male of your troupe' to perform the ceremony, but I wondered why Ayala was your other choice. Shouldn't it have been Tuvok? Or someone more senior?"

"Well, I had several things to consider. I thought it would be wise to choose someone who could be relied upon to be discreet in terms of reporting back to the rest of the crew. So that ruled out a few people, like Mr Paris obviously. And also, when I read what the ceremonies were likely to entail, I had to consider who you would feel most… comfortable with. Somehow, although Tuvok would be able to fulfil the first of those requirements, I didn't think you'd necessarily consider him most suitable to fulfil the second."

"No, well, I understand. And you're right there; if I'd been allowed to choose who should apply that ceremonial body oil all over me, then I can safely say Tuvok wouldn't have been my first choice. So, thank you for your thoughtfulness, I appreciate it."

"You're welcome, and considering the circumstances, it was the least I could do. I do hope you didn't feel the rest of it was demeaning. Having to kneel before me like that for so long."

"It was my pleasure, Captain, any time. Anyway, I think we were both pretty genuine in our desire to honour you by that point, as an expression of gratitude for the way you managed to keep us out of that final ceremony. A commitment to the advancement of cultural understanding can only take a man so far."

"Don't remind me! I'd have claimed every male member of the crew was my 'special consort' if it stopped her 'tasting them with her tongue-tentacles'! I hadn't even noticed they had tongue-tentacles until that point! Had you?"

"No, I hadn't. It appears they fold up underneath the tongue, until they're required. But once she'd extended them, I think I can speak for Mike too, when I say we were both very grateful for your quick thinking."

"You really are being very understanding about this, Chakotay. I have to admit I had prepared myself for another kind of reaction altogether."

"Really not necessary."

"I'm so glad."

"But, can I ask you a question? Off the record? If things had happened differently, and those demands had been made of the senior _women_ crewmembers, would you have let B'Elanna cover you in ceremonial body oil? And would you have knelt in front of me for an hour in a bikini, while I painted designs on your forehead?"

"Why? Did you have a design in mind?"

"Maybe... But would you have?"

"One of the nice things about being Captain is that you can always delegate."

"Really? You'd do that? But, surely, you're usually one to lead by example, a 'hands on' Captain...you certainly were today… And would you really want to risk causing offence by refusing to take part in something with the potential to improve relations so effectively?" Her eyebrow rose; he continued quickly, "relations between different cultures, obviously."

"Watch it, Commander, you're sailing dangerously close to the wind here."

"Forgive me. Must be all that ceremonial brandy they had us drink in your honour."

"Given what you've just put yourself through this afternoon, I'll let that slide, just this once. But any more comments like that and you'll find yourself in the brig faster than you can say 'duty to comply with local customs'."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"That's more like it."

She got up off the sofa and he followed suit. At the bottom of the steps, she turned and stopped so that they were facing each other, and she addressed him again. "Anyway, dinner plans?"

"Not yet. But I'd be happy to cook you for you. You know how I 'live to serve'."

"Well, if you're offering..."

"At your earliest convenience, Captain." He gave a mock bow.

"Wonderful. I'll bring the wine."

"Or maybe you should try that ceremonial brandy? They gave me a bottle, as a souvenir; I think they thought I liked it. Must admit I was developing a taste for it by the third goblet."

"Maybe I should, if only to stop you drinking any more of it. That's settled then, 19.00hrs, your quarters?"

"Dress code? I still have the ceremonial garment too, you know..."

"Don't push it, Commander. You've already been warned."

"Sorry. Until 19.00hrs then. Good evening, Captain."

"I'm sure it will be, Commander."


End file.
